One of the most healing things we can do for ourselves is to allow ourselves to feel as we feel. To acknowledge our feelings instead of avoiding, judging or pushing them away. It’s not a ‘thinking’ or ‘doing’ process. It’s more about allowing and accepting what’s already there, and to just FEEL what is going on for us underneath the surface.
It sounds simple, yet the majority of us don’t allow ourselves to simply feel as we feel, and we have come up with all sorts of ways to avoid our feelings – using our MIND is a common one. We can start to get a backlog of feelings, which can be a great cause of stress and distress.
One of the things that gets in the way is judgement. Judgement is what can make us get stuck, and cause a backlog of feelings. Judgement can come in many different forms and sometimes it may not be obvious that we are judging. Judgement can be along the lines of ‘I shouldn’t be feeling this way’, or judging the feelings as bad, not nice, as a weakness, or making it mean something about ourselves. It can be anything that makes us suppress or bury the feelings.
Our feelings are just our experience, they don’t mean anything about who we are. For example, if we’re feeling sad, it doesn’t mean we’re a sad person, we’re just having an experience of sadness. If we’re feeling lonely, it doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with us, we’re just experiencing loneliness. Feelings are just our experience that our heart relays to us. The key is to not get stuck in the feelings, wallow or make a big story or drama out of it.
Another key is to not make it about somebody else. We may come across people who really annoy or irritate us. All that these people are doing is serving as a mirror and reflecting back to us parts within us that need to be acknowledged, felt and healed. Underneath the irritation, annoyance or whatever it may be, is where they may be hurt or wounding. So these people are actually presenting a great opportunity for us to get in touch with the parts of us that need healing, but it has nothing to do with them.
Once we acknowledge, accept and allow ourselves to feel as we are really feeling, it is only then we are able to release the feeling and choose a new way of being. For example, we can choose to have stronger boundaries, or choose to be worthy and not take what others have said or done personally, and then next time we may not be so impacted by what happens externally. Nobody can make you feel anything – the choice is ours. We can take back our power. But we can only do this by first processing through our backlog.
We all have a backlog, some more than others. This backlog of feelings is what can cause stress, and imbalances on the emotional body, which can then create imbalances on the mental and physical body.
It can bring great joy to process through our feelings. As we do so, we get to bring in more of our true self. You may also notice that your experience of life changes as you become less reactive as you start to have less ‘buttons to push’ so to speak.
Journaling and meditation can be a great way to help us get in touch with ourselves and how we feel. Specific herbal medicines depending on your unique circumstance, and flower essences may be particularly helpful, and supportive in this process.